from Sadie's Mailbag

Dear Sadie,

I need your advice. I'm being held hostage in a God forsaken place called Millard, Nebraska. Every time I try climbing the wall to escape, the person squeals at me in the harshest tone, " Maxie get away from there!" If that isn't bad enough, when she is trying to get my attention, she refers to me as "Maxie Doodles". I don't know how much longer I can take this verbal abuse. Yesterday, I made a break for it, and the next thing I know she is chasing me down the street in her pajamas, yelling, "Maxie, cookies....cookies". Please, do you any ideas concerning the training of an old woman?

Sincerely,
Prince Max
Land of the Vikings

Dear Max,

My human pets are also morons. I simply accept them as quirky companions meant for my amusement (and also to wait on me hand and foot).

Princess Sadie